As November marks Children’s Grief Awareness Month, this blog aims to guide you in understanding the unique ways children experience grief. We begin by introducing a poignant artwork created by a renowned German artist Käthe Kollwitz, whose work powerfully captures the depths of loss and sorrow.
The artwork, titled *Killed in Action*, is deeply inspired by Kollwitz’s personal tragedy. It reflects the profound grief she experienced when her son, Peter, volunteered to fight in the war and tragically lost his life. The pain of his death was devastating not only for Kollwitzbut also for his siblings. Through the medium of lithography, Kollwitz powerfully conveys the raw emotion of grief, capturing its depth and intensity in a poignant visual form.
Why does Children’s Grief Awareness Month matter?
This month offers a chance to illuminate the unique ways children experience and cope with loss. While adults often express grief openly, children’s grief can be more subtle and complex. On top of that, society sometimes assumes that children are too young to fully understand loss, making it harder for caregivers to recognize. It is an important opportunity to deepen our understanding of how grief impacts young people and to learn how we can best support them through their emotional journeys.
Specifically, grief impacts children differently than adults due to their developmental stage. While adults generally have a clearer understanding of death and loss, children, particularly younger ones, may struggle to comprehend its permanence, leading to confusion and fear.
Recognizing Signs of Grief in Children: Stages and How to Support Their Healing
Literature suggests that while children’s reactions to loss share some similarities with those of adults, they differ in both their manifestations and duration. For example, a child may talk about the death of a loved one not only as a way to seek support but also to observe others and understand how they should feel. Similarly, a child may repeatedly ask the same question about the death, seeking reassurance rather than new information. He or she may also express their grief through anger or misbehavior, and in these cases, caregivers play a crucial role in recognizing these signs and responding with the appropriate support and understanding.
In terms of the stages, because children generally have more emotional needs and rely heavily on caregiving and connection, they often transition more quickly from grief reactions to seeking comfort and attachment from others. Unlike adults, who may need more time to process their loss, children may instinctively look for new sources of emotional security and acceptance to help fill the void left by the person they have lost.
1)Denial: it occurs when children try to maintain the belief that everything is fine, protecting themselves from being completely overwhelmed by their grief.
2)Anger: after the denial stage, children may become angry and direct blame toward others for their struggles, a reaction that can persist for days, weeks, months, or even years.
3)Bargaining: due to their developmental stage, children might express thoughts such as, “I’d do anything to have my brother back! I just want things to go back to normal.”
4)Depression: this is when the depth of sadness sets in, often expressed through a loss of appetite, disturbed sleep, and a lack of motivation.
5)Acceptance: the final stage of grief happens once children have processed their emotions and begin to feel more “rational” and accepting. It marks a period of adjustment and re-adjustment, signaling that healing is underway, even though emotions may resurface intermittently.
Understanding Grief in Children: How Reactions Vary Across Age Groups from Toddlers to Adolescents
It is generally agreed that children under the age of three or four are not capable of fully processing and experiencing mourning. Due to the limited understading of loss, they may not have the emotional or cognitive capacity to grieve in a complete way. On the contrary, by adolescence, young people are able to mourn despite being more vulnerable than adults. Because of this particular developmental stage where a range of challenges associated with identity formation, independence, and emotional development occur as well, their grief is likely to be more complicated and intense.
Research shows that infants under six months do not respond to separation from caregivers like older children, as they have not yet formed lasting emotional bonds. Around six to eight months, they begin to develop a “true object relationship,” recognizing and emotionally attaching to their primary caregiver.
Toddlers (ages 1-3) do not grasp death as permanent and may not understand that a loved one will not return. However, they are sensitive to the emotional atmosphere and may express grief through behavioral changes, such as increased clinginess, sleep or eating disruptions, and regression to earlier behaviors like bed-wetting or thumb-sucking.
Preschoolers (ages 3-5) often see death as temporary or reversible, thinking the deceased may return or are simply “less alive.” Their grief may involve confusion, sadness, anger, or anxiety, but these emotions are typically expressed intermittently and may include magical thinking.
Pre-adolescents (ages 6-9) start to understand death as permanent, though they may not fully grasp its broader implications. They may ask questions about death and the afterlife, and their grief can show as irritability, social withdrawal, or changes in school performance and friendships. Some may internalize their grief, feeling guilty or wondering if they could have prevented the death.
Older children (ages 10+) understand death more abstractly, like adults, and may experience grief through sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief, especially after a prolonged illness. Adolescents often cope by withdrawing or having mood swings, struggling to balance grief with the challenges of identity and independence. They may hide their feelings to appear “strong,” putting them at higher risk for mental health issues like depression or anxiety.
What is emotional resilience and how does it influence children’s experience of grief?
Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt to and recover from stress, adversity, or difficult emotions. In the context of children’s grief, emotional resilience plays a crucial role in helping children cope with the intense feelings that come with loss. Resilient children are better able to process their grief, manage their emotions, and eventually heal. This resilience can be influenced by factors such as a supportive environment, strong relationships, and the development of coping strategies, which enable children to navigate the ups and downs of grieving in a healthy way.
How can art therapy help children process and express their emotions during grief?
Art therapists in Montreal offer a powerful, nonverbal outlet for children to express and process their grief. When words fall short, creative expression through drawing, painting, or sculpture allows children to externalize their emotions and confront their loss in a manageable way. The act of creating can serve as both an emotional release and a form of control over their grief.
Art also provides a space for reflection. By discussing their creations with a an art therapist in Montreal, children can explore and understand their feelings, gaining insight into the complex emotions that often accompany grief. This process allows children to grieve at their own pace, fostering healing in a safe, nonjudgmental environment.
Ultimately, art therapy helps children process grief by giving them a creative space to express their emotions, make sense of their loss, and find solace in self-expression.
To book an appointment with one of our art therapists in Montreal, contact us here.
Written by: Linxuan (Skyler) Li
Edited by: Reyhane Namdari
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Reference:
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Resilience Guide for Parents and Teachers. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/guide-parents-teachers
Feeney, K., says:, V. G., says:, K. F., & says:, E. G. (2022, July 24). 5 stages of grief for kids – butterfly beginnings counseling. Butterfly Beginnings Counseling – Play Therapy and Counseling for children and families in Davenport, Iowa. https://www.butterflybeginningscounseling.com/2022/07/11/5-stages-of-grief-for-kids%EF%BF%BC/
Institute of Medicine (US) Committee for the Study of Health Consequences of the Stress of Bereavement. (1984, January 1). Bereavement during childhood and adolescence. Bereavement: Reactions, Consequences, and Care. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK217849/
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